All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
