thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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