I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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