I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
