I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
