Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
