his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
