so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
