dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
