Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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