I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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