I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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