so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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