I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
