you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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