My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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