i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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