i think my tv is drunk
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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