Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
