After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Oh god it's open bar.
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