The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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