I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
