Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
