Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
