Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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