whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
