So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
