someone threw a dead crab at me
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
