Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
