You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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