I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
