why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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