oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
stop calling my apartment porn island.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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