When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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