It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
