fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize