it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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