9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
