Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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