Moan for me like Helen Keller
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
