Cold hands, warm shart.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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