how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
