No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
