You're a womanizer and a bitch.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
