i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
