just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
