she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
