you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
