Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
