I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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