I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
whose ass print is on the piano?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
