EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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