New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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