woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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