she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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