This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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