Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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