I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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