I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
