no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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