when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
