Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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