honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
