im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I accidentally burped into my bong.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
