I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
