At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
