i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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