i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
