so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
