I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just gargled with NyQuil
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
