escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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