I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
