we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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