I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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