What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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