I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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