i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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