i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
