And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
